Watching an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” I wondered, as Larry David got himself into trouble once again and was subsequently punished, if his sentence on the show could be used in society today.

Well, Larry had a limo driver who brought his wife and himself to some great restaurant. Larry ended up obsessing about the driver and the fact that he wasn’t going to eat dinner while Larry and his wife ate dinner. The entire meal was interrupted by Larry’s worrying, and he then decided to bring his leftovers to the limo driver during their dessert. Larry forgot a fork for the driver, and Larry went inside to grab a fork. On his way out he was stopped by the manager of the restaurant and was caught stealing the fork. The police were called and Larry ended up going to court to face a judge. The judge declared that because he made too much money that a fine would not fit the crime, and jail time was not fit for a crime so insignificant.

Hence, the judge wanted to make an example of Larry to let all people know that celebrities do not get to do what they want, when they want. Larry was sentenced to wear a giant sign over his body that read, “I steal silverware from restaurants,” while standing outside that specific restaurant. As guest after guest walked by and realized that he was Larry David, the creator of Seinfeld and that he was wearing that sign, the embarrassment and humility alone was punishment enough. This all led me to our society, and specifically athletes and celebrities who have committed crimes, and what their sentences would be if they were on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

1) Michael Vick: He killed dogs, gambled and yada, yada, yada. Everybody knows the guy is sick. Everybody knows the story – it was beaten into our brains with coverage, coverage and more coverage. Vick has tons of money and putting him behind bars might not be the answer, either. I would give him a life sentence in the dog department at Petco. Not only would animals that he would want to kill surround him, but also his job would be ridiculous, considering the fall from grace as a Pro Bowl NFL quarterback. The only dodging and weaving that Vick would do is around six-year old kids with their grandparents, as he made his way to the employee-only bathroom behind the cage of rabbits in the back of the store.

2) O.J. Simpson: This is a tough one, because he’s an embarrassment to society as is. Despite being found not guilty of murder charges, everybody believes he’s still guilty, nonetheless. So I sentence O.J. to 10 years as an auctioneer. He could stand up at the podium and auction off all of his own memorabilia before his eyes. “Next item up is O.J.’s life before 1994, when he had dignity, class and was respected as a great football player. Starting price is two packs of Bazooka Joe bumble gum.” O.J. was ordered by a judge to give the Goldmans (the parents of one of his victims) his gold Rolex watch that was approximately worth $20,000. It was a part of his sentence from the civil trial he lost in his murder case in 1994. O.J. owes like $32 million, and he hasn’t paid crap so far. Either way, O.J. sent the Goldmans his watch, but he sent a fake. That’s right, a fake Rolex from China worth $125. I guess O.J. figured if he fooled them once, maybe he could fool them again.

3) Marion Jones: So she admits she did steroids, big deal. I could care less about her and whether or not she juiced up. She should have spent less time rubbing herself with the “clear” and sprinted over to a dentist. That is one of the worst grills I’ve seen in my life. It looks as if she was kicked in the mouth and her teeth were put back together with tape. Her sentence is to spend the next five years of her life as the personal servant to the people she beat in the Olympics. This way they can show her who was really hurt and how they really feel about her cheating.

4) Adam “Pacman” Jones: Now, “Pacman” made it rain – tossing bills through the air at a strip club – and I actually commend him for that. Let’s face it, if I had 87 grand to throw in the air and have strippers dance around me while it rained down, I would do it. The other part about beating up strippers after they accidentally touched your green backs and then having your boys shoot the bouncers is another story. Since “Pacman” has other problems with the law, his sentence should be a bit more. I sentence “Pacman” to five years of service as the janitor at that very strip club and his wages will go to the bums of Las Vegas. But instead of handing them a check, “Pacman” has to cash his paychecks into $1 bills. He then has to make it rain, while the bums crawl all over him fighting each other for his money. This will also be televised on FOX as a reality show called, “When Makin’ it Rain goes Wrong.”

I’m sure there are more athlete-celebs to pick on, but I’ll keep it to four. The point is money means nothing to people like this, and even though my punishments are silly, maybe our judicial system needs to get a little creative to send a message that athletes and celebrities are not invincible.